I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
