Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
