How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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