Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So here I am, sexting at work.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
