fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
