I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
