i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
