Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
