so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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