Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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