Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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