Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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