Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
