There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
