Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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