How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
