so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My pussy is not your playground.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
