Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
