this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
