My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
