He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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