so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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