dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i think i have two assholes
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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