after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Houston, we have a blender
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
