Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
