Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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