i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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