He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
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We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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