i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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