she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
