I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
where are my eyebrows?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
