someone threw a dead crab at me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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