if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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