ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Success! We fucked roommates!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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