Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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