it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
