after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
