Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
