420 ftw
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
