What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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