i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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