i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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