her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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