He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
