This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I don't deserve a penis
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
