I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
