I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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