he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
