I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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