Im at strip club and am horny
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
