We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
