I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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