I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
