dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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