I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think i got beer on your cat.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
