like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
