so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
