the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
