At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
