So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
