I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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