you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
