Me. At least after what I've been through.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is Oprah even human
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
