Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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