His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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