Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
