So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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