Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
