Banned from zoo.
Again?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
