none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
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some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize