The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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