Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
