so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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