i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
